Posted by: classyjacksonville | May 4, 2009

The Jacksonville Daily News

Onslow county's finest source for news and information

Onslow county's finest source for news and information

One of the more lamentable side effects about the advent of the internet and 24 hour cable news channels has been the slow death of local newspapers throughout the country. Newspapers in most cities are struggling to stay afloat and remain viable as they cut back in staff and size and continue to lose ad revenue and circulation numbers. And I’m sure that the Jacksonville Daily News is no different. However, this does not mean that there has been any loss of classy Jacksonville spirit in this newspaper. I believe that the Jacksonville Daily News is a true embodiment and reflection of the community it covers, and is worth a look next time you are in your local Starbucks on Western Boulevard looking to drink a latte and purchase the New York Times (only to find you can’t purchase the Times there).

Like most great publications, The Daily News has its own unique style. Reflecting the nationwide shift away from basic schooling and education, the Daily News regularly flaunts correct spelling and grammar provisions, adding its own unique creativity and flavor to the relatively drab world of journalism. Why would anyone want to read an article that was spelled correctly when it is much more fun and challenging to read something that is forever pushing the boundaries of understanding? Most newspapers I have read merely give the city or town of residence for a person being mentioned in an article. However, the Daily News, to give their paper a more hometown feel, gives the street or road of residence for the various subjects of their articles. I think this is a nice touch. I want to know exactly where the accused pederasts and burglars live. Our community can never know enough. The Daily News also, in a personal and moving choice, places obituaries in the front page section, apparently the most important thing going on here in Onslow County is people dying.

True to its mission of covering local stories of interest, the Daily News in its most recent edition covered the state of local adult businesses, which apparently has not been immune to the recession or growing use of the internet. And in last Sunday’s paper, I enjoyed a side story about a local high school boy stealing snacks from his school’s concession stand. It’s also good to know about pederasts, peepers, and other sexual offenders.

All in all, I would say that the Daily News is probably the worst paper I have ever read. Not only is it poorly written, it has myriad spelling and grammar mistakes which make reading it a wince inducing exercise. Does it provide a valuable local source of news, covering local crime, town hall meetings and the local economy? Yes, it does. But is it so much to ask to spell things correctly? Even the staff of lance corporals at the other local paper, The Globe, doesn’t mess up quite as much. Perhaps Americans would care more about the demise of small town journalism if these journalists cared about the sort of things their teachers would have attacked with their red pens and pencils back in high school and elementary school. And given the advent of microsoft word and spellcheck, this is even more unforgivable.

Posted by: classyjacksonville | April 27, 2009

A N00b’s perspective


For many jaded souls like myself who have resided in Classy Jacksonville for a while, we begin to forget what caused us to fall in love with the place and its many charms initially. We forget what was going through our head when we initially went down Highway 24 and Western, the first time we passed the Gasdonalds, the first time we were cut off by a mustang. To help refresh my memory and provide the readers of this fine institution with a fresh perspective, I had the pleasure to interview a new arrival to Classy Jacksonville, Scott Sirkoski. So over delicious Thai food at one of Jacksonville’s better eating establishments, the Old Siam, I interviewed Scott to get a new perspective. Here is a transcript of what happened.


Classy Jacksonville: So, Scott, do you like Thai food?

Scott Sirkoski: I love Thai food. Is it any good here?

CJ: Actually it’s amazing here, surprisingly. The sad part is this is one of the best restaurants in town but everytime I come here, it’s deserted except for the portrait of the King and Queen of Thailand. But if you go down the road, you’ll find Texas Roadhouse packed.

SS: Yeah, I don’t get this place. It’s something else.

CJ: Yeah it is. So you just got here a few weeks ago, right Scott.

SS: Yep. I’ve been enjoying every minute.

CJ: I can tell. So, you’ve only been in the marine corps a few months, and after school, they sent you here. Did you have a choice about coming here?

SS: Haha, did they give you one? Two days before I graduated, they told me I had orders to come here. And then after ten days of leave at home, I arrived here.

CJ: So you got here, you’re riding in a cab, going down Highway 24, going towards the main gate, you’re taking in the sights for the first time. What’s going through your head?

SS: What the fuck did I just get myself into is what’s going through my head. All I see are pawn shops, tattoo parlors, car dealerships the whole way down the road, all these neon signs, not exactly the most pleasant sight. And I’m thinking, I have to spend the next 2 years of my life here? I’m probably going to kill myself. It was really just a culmination that joining the marine corps had probably been the worst decision of my life.

CJ: Wow. So you regret joining the marine corps?

SS: Yeah, I regretted it most of the way through boot camp, and then through MCT, and then coming here was really just further proof that somewhere along the road to college I got lost. Nice kids from the suburbs like me don’t join the marine corps. I’m a nice guy. I’m not really aggressive. I’m quiet and respectful. I’m a good kid. And I’m pretty much surrounded by all the dudes from high school I hated and couldn’t stand. It’s a five year long nightmare.

CJ: So if you hadn’t joined the marine corps, what would you have done with your life?

SS: Went to college like everyone else I graduated with. I’m from a pretty nice suburb outside of Charlotte. Nobody else I knew joined the marine corps. I probably shouldn’t have joined either. But here I am.

CJ: Why did you join?

SS: Well, while surfing for porn one day during summer break in between junior and senior year, I came across an ad for the marine corps and I clicked on it. And I started reading their site and was like yeah, I wanna improve myself. I want to challenge myself. Honor, courage, commitment sound like good things. Yeah. And then there’s this link to send away for more information, which I click. Next thing you know, a week later, I’m getting a phone call from some Gunnery sergeant who butchers my last name, wanting me to come in to speak with him. And there I am in his office with the little medal tags telling him what sort of things I want out of the marine corps. And well, the rest is history I guess.

CJ: What’s it like growing up in the south?

SS: What do you mean?

CJ: Well you see, I grew up in Oregon. And I’m just supposing that growing up in a different place perhaps gives you a different view about Jacksonville. You see, I view Jacksonville as being the south or at least in the south.

SS: No, no, that’s where you have it wrong. Jacksonville is this weird anamoly that has nothing to do with the rest of the south. I’m not saying that I like the south or anything. I mean I guess I do, I really haven’t been anywhere else, it’s home. But Jacksonville is an entirely different beast that could be anywhere next to any base in America. It just happens to be in North Carolina. Which is sort of unfortunate for North Carolina. I think it gives us a bad name.

CJ: But back to growing up in the south.

SS: Yeah. Well I don’t know, there were a lot of kids who were into Nascar and red neck shit. But that was never really me, and I never really fit in with them. I don’t really feel qualified talking about this subject.

CJ: Fair enough. Well, thanks for your time Scott. You pretty much confirmed everything I thought about this place. I suggest running away to Canada now.

SS: I might man. What was I thinking?

CJ: None of us know what we were thinking. But just remember, if something isn’t funny for five years, it never really was.

Posted by: classyjacksonville | April 18, 2009

The Globe

America's Finest Source for news and journalistic integrity

America's Finest Source for news and journalistic integrity

The Globe is the weekly newspaper published by Camp Lejeune and is quite a common sight around town. No matter where you go in Classy Jacksonville or on Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, you are likely to see piles and piles of this newspaper laying about and around. This is not to say that a lot of people read this paper, in fact I think I have never seen anyone read this paper. But it is everywhere, and you could say it has quite the local presence. I decided to pick up a copy today while buying some unfairly priced beer at the store to see what my local journalistic competitors are writing about and why it is that no one seems to read it.

The first thing one notices about this paper is that the overwhelming majority of these articles are about the marine corps and marine corps operations and painting both in only the most positive colors. True Americans, being a free and independent people, like to take their news from such well respected sources as Fox News and Rush Limbaugh and are wary of any sort of government or military sponsored propaganda. And since The Globe for the most part is nothing more than a local propaganda sheet printed by the base, true Americans are right stay clear of it, even if Camp Lejeune is a communist country

Second, and probably the biggest reason why no one reads the Globe is that it feels like reading a high school newspaper, only worse. Perhaps my high school had a better than average newspaper, but the Globe is worse than I remember high school newspapers being. Spelling errors are everywhere, grammar is poor, and the word choice and sentence structure reminds me of 9th grade English. I would like to think that there is a little subversive Corporal like myself who is looking for all sorts of little ways to fight against the man and show his dissatisfaction with the regime, and he found an easy way of doing this was to spell things wrong and write like a nine year old. And I can’t blame him for writing poorly, if I had to write about the latest happenings at the local dump or intramural football games,  I probably wouldn’t care that much either.

One thing it does have going for it is that it edged out the New York Times from the local Starbucks, which either says something about our local Starbucks, or the journalistic integrity of the Globe. It also has some pretty neat coupons in it. Also, it has a little blurb about the latest Courts Martial, sort of like the police blotter in a small town newspaper which are always fun to read and useful to arm yourself with knowledge to avoid pederasts. 

Propaganda is bad. But poorly written propaganda is down right awful and dangerous. But one positive result of poorly written propaganda is that people will take it less seriously. If people take it less seriously, they are less likely to read it. And if they are less likely to read it, they are less likely to be misled by advertisements offering “E-1 and up financing guaranteed” and “Before you take it off, think about how well it fits.”

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